Dec. 17th 2018
The closer we get to 2019, the more I think about what my final ideals will be for the upcoming few years to come. Call it "setting goals", and some will love it, others not so much, but I can't worry about it. Seriously.
After doing what I can at expense to my personal bank account & health, I am going to continue to do my thing and that is that. One recent thing that seems to be ok for people to do, is send you their ideals on what you have or have not done. What I haven't done is tried to ignore anyone (I am one person... chained to a keyboard) and detest being accused of such, when I have always had everyone's interest, but my own, at heart. The shows have never been about me... but the music... and I truly worry about everyone. In many ways, I have ignored myself for far too long, and that might be changing soon. I have gotten short with people and that isn't not in my nature. I am struggling, true on some things (but catching up. This is what happens when you get "over whelmed"), but I know for a fact I never promised anyone anything that would make anyone look bad, no matter how I feel personally about someone. If I made you feel that way, I'm sorry... not the intention.
I will say... If I am going to continue to make a difference, then I have to do what I have always been doing. Support everyone... not just a few. I'm happy for artists that get amazing opportunities, because they worked hard, to move into some great steps towards their personal goals. I may not play them on my playlist as much, but I can truly say they have always been a big part of me.
There is a few "politics" you must play in this game along the way (not fond of that... nope.), but not at the expense of your integrity, and don't expect help of any kind if you are real good at screwing people over (I know some stand up people, and will continue to work with them... MY choice, not yours!). Politics are opinionated, but your personal agenda over everyone else's is no reason for me, or anyone else, to drop everything because YOU say so. This is a new thing, for me. Doing that to anyone just pisses me off. I support everyone, and really don't take too damned kindly to being "bullied" (and I have been bullied.... fact!) into thinking it's ok to not support or bad mouth anyone. That has been happening for a few years now, and it is making me short, annoyed and out-right unwilling to work with certain people. I don't care who you are, don't think it's ok to do that to me.
I need to take time for myself, and my shows, too, and been doing that off and on for the past few months, because the only help I have comes from what I, personally, can accomplish alone. There is a certain way to do shit, and in order for it to get done properly, means finding like minded people to work with, but being able to stand alone. There is some great ideas out there, but working together seems to be elusive. Fine. Eventually I will find someone willing to read my brain and work to continue. I don't know why it's so damned hard, but I will continue to try.
Lately, I have been fighting depression and anxiety (not something I talk about), which has nothing to do with my quitting smoking (if I didn't give a shit about my health, I wouldn't have quit. Did it for me, alone, just like I did drinking), and I know it comes from being too damned sensitive to everyone else's needs while ignoring my own. Looking to be kinder & gentler in the new year, so please, understand we all have our own battles. I am trying to be sensitive to yours, so please return the favour. We all have limitations, though we want to do it all. It isn't that I don't care... I care too much sometimes... and it truly pains me...
See ya on the airwaves, eh?
31 Dec 2018
Last entry of the year... where has the time gone? I was at the inlaws's house last night, playing with her dogs, and thinking about a few dozen things for the year upcoming.... because that is what you do as we enter a new year... reflect.
I have a ton of thank yous to many people, and at the risk of forgetting a few (which always happens to everyone), I would like to name a few.....
First has to be Dr John over at Surgery Records Radio (in conjunction with Dr Johns Surgery Records) for the opportunity to carry on after RBX, and a thank you to Scotty of RBX for allowing me to continue after Max Ink Radio (a HUGE thanks goes to Jimmy K & Rokker for getting me jump started)... and thank you to Christie Hails & Bobby B for putting a good word in for me. Some new things happening soon, and I look forward to it.
A seriously special thanks to the people who have helped me do my thing: CDC Entertainment (Mike Richards), indie-rocks.ca (Christie Hails), Up Yours Productions (Sue-Ann Chmay), Livestock (Rafik Guirguis), Springilicious (Especially Taps on Queen & Eric Martin), Belle & Bliss Music Publicity (especially Rosie), Route 69 Productions (John Ward & Heather), Steve Hoeg, The Rockpile (Dom & Jake), Sessions on the River (Chris Curry), Labate Promotions (Donna Labate), Shredguy Records (Michael McDowell), Giant FM 91.7 (Patrick Porter), Matt Groupie, Too Metal For Church (Ross Ingall), the NMAs (Todd Brown), and BS Live (Shane Neal). There are SO many others (and yes, I probably forgot a few, I apologize!), behind my scenes, that will always be a part of me... be a part of "Phoenix Camerah".
Of course, I have to thank my hubby, George, who has put up with me since I started this insanity... and allowed me to be who I am. Between the shows, the guests, being a boatnerd, and the truck shows, he has helped me grow. It makes for interesting dinner conversations (between my work & his at Joseph Haulage), but we always come up with ideas & solutions together once the air is quieter.. After 22 years, I don't know anyone else I would want to go on this journey with...
I want to give a shout out to all the photographers and videographers I have had the pleasure of working side by side throughout the year, for your friendships and opportunities to learn. There are so many (too many!!!) to mention, but I wanted them all to know I truly appreciate them... and enjoy their work!
Last but not least... I must thank all of the artists who make the music, that I have the pleasure of playing on my show for their love of the craft, dedication, and the music. I have always said you guys come first, because without you, there would be no Phoenix... and that holds very true, has since day 1. You are all amazing, and love you beyond mere words. You have entertained me and kept me stable, and I will be forever grateful! Keep rockin'!!!
I go into 2019 smoke free and vape free (finally...).... looking for better clarity in my pursuits. There are things on the mind, that hopefully help all in the future, and I will do my best to see to it the independent artist is heard. We must keep the network alive... the scenes alive.. they deserve it! Support your local music scene, they work hard to help entertain you!
I hope you all have an awesome time, and I will see you all in the new year...... Have a safe week, and see ya on the airwaves!
Happy New Year!
24 Dec. 2018
Christmas is upon us... the holiday fever started for many in January... (don't laugh, because we all know someone like that, now don't we...?)... however, if you don't have kids or fanatical family & friends, you probably don't do a lot.
Basically, that has been that was for me since the stepkids have grown, and I celebrate for the grandkids now. I celebrate the oldest's birthday, too (he is 5 this year on Xmas day... which he will possibly hate when he gets older), and make damned sure his birthday gift isn't in Xmas paper (because that shit ain't fair to him, it deserves to be separate).
Hubby has to work today for a bit (not happy) and possibly every day this week BUT the 25th, and let's say I am NOT in a good mood about it... we have things to do here, and once again, it's mostly going to be left up to me. It gets old, quick. Makes you as unfestive as hell.
Now I know where my depression is coming from, I just hope the rest of you are ok. I understand if you are... relate if you aren't... just try to have a good week. I'll live, I always do, but it'd be nice to have a couple days to do nothing.
No show this week, but see ya in the new year. It isn't like I will be going anywhere much, which is a usual week...
I have a lot to think about for 2019, after things myself, and friends, have gone through. Life is too damned short, and everyone is important, not just those who think they are entitled, or are the most vocal about their unhappiness. This holiday season and upcoming year... try to be kinder, but don't take anyone's shit. You are important, too...
10 Dec. 2018
The closer we get to the end of the year, the crankier I get... ha! Probably because I have too damned much on the brain.
See, everyone has wishes and wants, but if they aren't what people approve of, they aren't acceptable. Dumb. I feel that, if your wishes and wants aren't harmful to others, you should have, but if it's at the cost of others, no. I am not meaning that feelings hurt or offending thing spoiled entitled people think is ok to shove down my throat ... that has just gotten completely out of hand, and you see it all over the place... I mean if it actually is going to do someone actual harm, then no... there are certain things that sick in the head people should not be allowed and not have "the right" to do... but if someone actually likes a song, a food, a tv show... let them ffs...... there is too many people thinking they are physically being attacked by things we never thought twice about years ago.
See, no one gives a crap if *I* am offended by watching this all happen. Is that right? No. I am not entitled to the right to be offended because YOU don't like a song (we will pick a song for now, given all the hoopla over one lately). That's right. No one cares if I am offended. I am part of that eye-rolling crowd that checks out their own butt every time something like this happens. We are offended because we are sick of hearing whiney babies bitch. You don't care about anyone but yourself, and I have to listen, even though your personal opinion on anything you don't like offends me, and people like me, who don't care what you don't like. We have things we don't like.. are we allowed to voice an opinion? No. Some twit will get offended...
You see where I am going with this? Insane, ain't it. Can't we just try to get along, and make the world better for ALL... not just a chosen few? If this is too much to ask, we are doomed.... and you all know it.
I will see you on the airwaves... where the music makes more sense... or does it? LMMFAO....
3 Dec. 2018
Yeah, kind of got busy. Last entry was mid-November, and I apologize for that. Just getting things sorted out for everything that is happening and deciding what I want to do with some things.
A lot of things have changed lately, and I will admit to scrambling to catch up. One thing, is finally getting truck show pictures where the drivers will see them, plus exciting shows (Gord Bamford at Big Texas (a CDC Entertainment show) in Niagara Falls on Nov. 22nd, Forgotten Rebels (with The Lucky Ones) November 24th at Warehouse (an Up Yours Productions show), and Sven Gali at The Rockpile this past Saturday (a Rock 'n' Roll Heaven Toronto reunion show), the 30th of November... to name a few). This busy also includes my usual Wednesday night shows on now what is Surgery Records Radio (more in a bit) as well as pics, and family stuff going on.
The holidays are fast approaching, too, which means festive parties, gifts, and other cool shows happening well into the new year. I got a good idea of how to get it all done, but my best laid plans have had a way of going astray lately.
I bit the bullet and now am running Windows 10, and along with that comes one hell of a learning curve.... plus new photo programs (which I still am not telling anyone about... haha), various social media tools, still organizing my files, and getting ready to reformat my beloved "Workhorse" (a computer I have had for a while... but still rocks). Need to get a few more things off of it, even though it is not online right now, but it'll get done. I couldn't wait, had to be done, and took matters into my own hands. Next is updates to my SmugMug and You Tube channel...
I am looking for some down time soon, too, and I am still wanting to shoot ships in the other ditch. Call it my hobby... but I love those huge ships, almost as much as trucks!
Annnd... speaking of trucks, on the agenda for next year, besides the music, is 4 truck shows I will be attending (1 in June, 2 in July and one is, I think, in August) which will test me in many ways, but that won't matter. Diesel fumes... yeah, I'm weird... I like them!
RBX radio has now become Surgery Records Radio, under the guidance of Dr. John and his label, Dr. Johns Surgery Records. That's right... moving a great direction for indie music and independent musicians. Things are still being sorted that way, but the shows will go on as always.... and I am looking forward to it! This week is a listening party for HUH?'s "Damaged Goodz", released this past Friday, on many platforms. Check out their Facebook for more details. Their CD release party was this past Friday (Nov. 30th) at Detour, with local support Eklectik & The Midnight Sons. I was unable to attend, due to a previous engagement, but I hear it was one hell of a great time!
Coming up this weekend is a toy drive (Route 69 Productions is putting on that show with Maximum Overdrive headlining, Trigger Sindrome & Demolition Rage, plus one other band (which I think is Black9) on Friday at The Rockpile (Dec. 7th) and Hidden Agenda on the 8th at Sessions on the River (Dec. 8th). Rolling towards the end of the year with some parties to get to as well. 2019 won't see me slowing down, but will see me at some amazing shows, for sure..... and I will be enlightening all soon.
Add in all the other stuff (like housework) and my days stay busy... I rest when I can. Finally found something that tackles my heartburn, so feeling much better. Taking care of buisness...
I am staying to myself a little more to try and get things done, but when you are almost "Cory Cruise" busy, it's ok.... so, see ya on the airwaves!